babybrowneyesny

ONE MORE final and I am done with my first year in college!! alsdiha'kzdl!! I am so relieved it's finally over. I'll be home next Saturday and reuinted with my wonderful Roxie!!

So far what I think...
Psych final - definitely good
Chem lab - umm, definitely not so hot :-(
UROP - A, inevitably
UC103 - passed, inevitably
French - A- definitely possible
Calc - again, not so hot

BOO FOR SCHOOL

( Ready For Love )

Somehow I know that
There's a place up above
With no more hurt and struggling
Free of all atrocities and suffering
Because I feel the unconditional love
From one who cares enough for me
To erase all my burdens
And let me be free to

Fly like a bird
Take to the sky
I need you now Lord
Carry me high
Don't let the world break me tonight
I need the strength of you by my side
Sometimes this life can be so cold
I pray you'll come and carry me home

Can we recover
Will the world ever be
A place of peace and harmony
With no war and with no brutality
If we loved each other
We would find victory
But in this harsh reality
Sometimes I'm so despondant
That I feel the need to

Fly like a bird
Take to the sky
I need You now Lord
Carry me high
Don't let the world break me tonight
I need the strength of You by my side
Sometimes this life can be so cold
I pray You'll come and carry me home

Keep your head to the sky
With God's love you'll survive

Fly like a bird
Take to the sky
I need you now Lord
Carry me high
Don't let the world break me tonight
I need the strength of You by my side

Sometimes this life can be so cold
I pray You'll come and carry me home
Carry me higher, higher, higher
Carry me higher, higher, higher
Carry me home
Higher Jesus
Carry me higher Lord


let's just say MC's new album is pretty amazing.

Only God can judge me so I'm gone, either love me or leave me alone. ~ Jay-Z

For future reference....

"If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for
your life,then you need to......
Let it go!!
If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ......
Let them go!!
If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and/or see your worth.....
Let them go!!
If someone has angered you ........
Let it go!!
If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge......
Let them go!!
If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction......
Let it go!!
If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents .
Let it go!!
If you have a bad attitude.......
Let it go!!
If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better......
Let it go!!
If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him......
Let it go!!
If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship.......
Let it go!!
If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves.......
Let them go!!
If you're feeling depressed and stressed ..........
Let it go!!
If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is
saying "take your hands off of it," then you need to......
Let it go!!
Let the past be the past. Forget the former things. GOD is doing a new thing for 2006 !!!
Let it go!!"


HAPPY NEW YEAR'S EVE EVERYONE!!!!

I gotta testify, come up in the spot looking extra fly
'Fore the day I die, I'mma touch the sky
Gotta testify, come up in the spot looking extra fly
'Fore the day I die, I'mma touch the sky

this may not be a bright time
but this isnt a lifetime
God will grant you the right time
so dont hold on or forget.
yes you lost the trial
yes you lost the test
but you won the fact
that you're doin your best
sing, "you got it you got it good"
so your soul understands,
it makes no sense yet
just look down at your hands
and
look up
at the world
go on and appreciate those troubles,
baby girl

Ok so I wrote this post shortly after Rosa Park's passing and for some reason I set it as a private post and thus left it hidden for the world to see when really this was meant for EVERYONE! blah! Although, in the spirit of thanksgiving, the timing of my discovery of it is perfect, as we all have a lot to be thankful for that we dont really ever think about, i.e. living in an integrated (for the most part) nation where lynching and segregation are no longer accepted norms of daily life. Well I should hope we all appreciate this. One among many things of course. Anyway, here it is...


We all know Rosa Parks passed and the past few days have been spent honoring her life. I ask you to look beyond the memorials and candle light vigils, and truly look at what she gave to you.
She did more then sit down on a bus one day. Her actions prior to that day and following that day extend further than what the media ever covers. Because of her constant struggle throught her life to be counted as a human, she was able to spark a boycott that changed the face of this nation.
Rosa may be gone but her spirit lives on, far beyond this day of remeberance and it challenges us too look at who we are, what we stand for, and how we too can be the change that we envision. Her fight must live on not only in our actions but also in our hearts.

Join America in honoring this great woman.

peace and love all ~

it's tears and joy
tears and joy without real tears
over here
not even when it tears her up inside.
it's joy and confusion
confusion and loss
it's being uncertain without being lost
its heals and scars
scars and smiles
it's a shade of blue with a little style?
it's unknown and unwanted
sacred to dark
sacred to heart
short of love
short of home
something is unfamiliar here
and what was had was hated
and what's now is scary and silent
my mind complains
and aspires
i can only love this same
this downhill winding upward


je suis toujours solitaire, fatiguée, dur.
happy, hungry, searching, appreciative, youthful, grown, triumphant, turmoiled, confident, sad, passionate, discouraged, gentle, dedicated, wishful, resilient, independant, pained, prideful, understanding, confused, spirited, worn, blessed...

je n'ai pas peur



adieu

EXCUSE MY VERBOSITY but, I vote for change.

Before you tell me that something is not severly askew in our government
Or that racism does not still exist
Tell me why families were still scrambling on their roofs 5 days after Katrina hit
Tell me why Mr.Bush was still on vacation 2 days after it was clear the Gulf was in need of emergency evacuation
Tell me why his admnistration held off rescue operations through mythical claims that Lousiana's gov. had not declared a state of emergency
Tell me why Bush claimed New Orleans "unreachable" yet 46 Canadians from a Vancouver-based search and rescue team traveled there, freeing 119 people from rapidly-flooding homes
Tell me why President Castro of Cuba offered English-speaking doctors to come aid in the Gulf Coast FREE OF COST and our government declined
My country 'tis of thee, sweet land of (???)

I'm not going to stand around until we're paying $4 for gas
I'm not going to stand around supporting a war with no visible end
I'm not going to stand around until the next terrorist attack
I'm not going to stand around until my livlihood is threatened
or the economic prosperity of our families is in pieces
Are you?
I'm not going to stand up and protest like a nut with only insults in hand, either
I'm going stand up with passion, a vision, evidence, and a charge
I'm going to stand up for another president
because I know we can do MUCH better:

At a news conference Senator Nancy Pelosi, D-California said Bush's choice for head of the Federal Emergency Management Agency had "absolutely no credentials."

She urged Bush at the White House on Tuesday to fire Brown.

"He said 'Why would I do that?'" Pelosi said.

"'I said because of all that went wrong, of all that didn't go right last week.' And he said 'What didn't go right?'"

Say no more to persuade me he's truly the compassionate conservative Born-again Christian Mrs. Bush declared he was after Kanye West's remark. Say no more....


"As survivors are evacuated, order is restored, the water slowly begins to recede, and we sort through the rubble, we must also begin to come to terms with the ugly truth that skin color, age and economics played a deadly role in who survived and who did not." - Howard Dean

"Katrina showed us the neglect of the government of the U.S., the failure of state government, local government and federal to answer the critical needs of our people. What happened to the response of the federal government to the victims of Katrina? I believe we can charge the government with criminal neglect to the people in the Gulf Coast."
"I firmly believe that if the people on those rooftops had blonde hair and blue eyes and pale skin, something would have been done in a more timely manner" - Nation of Islam Leader Louis Farrakhan at the Million More March

"President Bush does not care about Black people" - Kanye West
It's no lie.

A - Age of first love? --
B - Band listening to right now? none
C - Dream car(s)? Cadillac Escalade and Jaguar Roadster
D - Daddy's name? Felicien
E - Easiest person to make laugh? Kelsey
F - Food you miss most? isombe and rice. always hits the spot.
G - Any encounters with ghosts? no...
H - Person most hated at the moment? Hatred concedes NOTHING. I am, however, not too fond of 2 people.
I - Interesting unknown fact about yourself? I have an on and off relationship with bananas
J - The first letter of the last person who broke your heart? R
K - Kissing with eyes opened or closed? who cares as long as I'm kissing?! but for the sake of decision, closed
L - Last time you did Illegal Drugs? Mercredi
M - Most memorable moment you can think of in a minute? I'd say sitting on a couch in the back of the truck with shanilla and miranda in the freezing cold the other day, just because i'm too lazy to think really hard. Ahh, okay, cheating - Kayla and I at dance camp last summer, because I still cannot believe it
N - Nicknames? em, emy, emeliny, jellybean, three (coach's doing), MT, queen e, e money (kelsey's doing)
O - What's the most valued possession? Shouldn't that be "your"? My memory box.
P - Poison of choice? yay! dont have one!
Q - The last quote you heard: "Never lie, steal, cheat, or drink. But if you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love. If you must steal, steal away from bad company. If you must cheat, cheat death. And if you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away."
R - What are you allergic to? Nothing
S - Song you sang last? it's my life, bon jovi
T - Time you woke up? approx. 6:50 am
U - Fav. pair of underwear? it's a toss between the felix the cat one I bought yesterday, and the red fluffy I received on my 15th birthday thanks to kayla and abby
V - Vegetable you hate most? zucchini
W - What are you the most afraid of? immediate future: doing well in college. distant future: never finding concreteness.
X - X-rated love life? ummm, no?
Y - Year you were born? 1987
Z - Zodiac sign? Aries

7. "Friends are everything."
4. I am spiritual.
5. "My bedroom is the seat of my soul."
6. Always worried about that girl in the mirror.
8. "Love hurts."
1. Sex.
10. Belated I love you's. The truth is I do.
9. Understands the world is a scary place.
3. Moderates spending.
2. Stardom.



Crazy? Pervasive. All their lives.
Uniquely universal.
Untold.
Truth IS.

everything is pitch black
and I must promise tomorrow
But only I.

everything is pitch black
and mine (mind?) finds its sorrow
Because its mine.

everything is pitch black
and...
everything is pitch black
and...
everything crystal is heart's last beat
and why she suffers, why she sinks.

so everything is pitch black
and pitch black's an understatement
so what?
so I (die) smile anyway
and...
everything is one pitch blacker
than yesterday

i sit there
in the absence of self
if absence of health
then the absence of things
sit there blindly bobbing
from hollow smile to hollow smile
to hollow home
where i sit
until it hurts to see it clear.
still remaining
since it is clear.
my heart must beat
in negation to the plan
and
i sit there, soaking
in absence of meaning.
b r e a t h i n g the why's
unselfishly
conscious of the line
which heeds reasoning.
sitting there
since the day it broke mine
then dissapeared
broke it again
then left me here
incapable of bending bonds
or holding onto amity
sitting, knowing
what i touch becomes calamity,
seeing
that everything is nothing.
sitting there, sipping
on our forgotten memories
then licking the iron
of feckless feats.
I believed
Silly [naive] me
I overachieved.
Now i sit there
hand in hand in descent
mind and body spent
and i dont understand
this plan of pain
of what i cant carp
and cant explain

Did you sleep on the wrong side?
I'm catching a bad vibe
And it's contagious, What's the latest?
Speak your heart, Don't bite your tongue
Don't get it twisted, Don't misuse it
What's your problem?
Lets resolve it
We can solve it, What's the causes?
It's official, You got issues
I got issues ...

Am I supposed to change? Are you supposed to change?
Who should be hurt? Who should be blamed?
Am I supposed to change? Are you supposed to change?
Who should be hurt? Who should be ashamed?
Am I supposed to change? Are you supposed to change?
Who should be hurt? And will [this] remain?
You need a resolution, I need a resolution,
We need a resolution, We have so much confusion.


Totally out of context.
The end.

If you don't know what the world means to me
Things change and rearrange
Friends aren't friends anymore
People go behind your back to score on anything
Will we ever have peace
Someone tell me please....

( Most High )

I only walk in the dirt, but my steps are guided
And not matter how dark my path gets, I light it
I ain't never been ashamed of the pain, can't hide it
Yah da road was rough but I decided to ride it
Step carefully, with half of me, walk wrecklessly
That's just an x in me...
Give or let me fly or gimme death
Words that I try to say with my last breath
And if my last breath ain't long,
I thank the lord for my life
That way my last breath ain't wrong

Not much to talk about so i'll procrastinate with this thingy I stole from Amie.... just a little counter productive considering I have an essay, a big paper, projects, reading and studying to do..... and considering this is my only day without after school activities. ah well.

1.Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4. Write down what it says: "When you explore these institutions you will consider the extent to which they either help or hinder democracy" I happened to be studying for the government final, sorry haha
2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first? air...
3. What is the last thing you watched on TV? cosby show
4. Without looking, guess what time it is: 4:45
5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time? 4:45 THIS SCARES ME!!! I have already confirmed with a few individuals that I am Raven (for those of you who know the isney character)
6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? trucks outside
7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing? getting out of my car
8. Before you came to this website [started this survey], what did you look at? reading the news
9. What are you wearing? clothes
10. Did you dream last night? Nope (rare)
11. When did you last laugh? all through C block as usual
12. What is on the walls of the room you are in? all my posters
13. Seen anything weird lately? that manure in the parking lot is a bit abnormal
14. What do you think of this quiz? eh
15. What is the last film you saw? Save The Last Dance(got it for christmas!!)
16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first? I'm with Amie, a car, because mine has issues!
17. Tell me something about you that I don't know: not sure
18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do? everyone should be accepting of everyone else
19. Do you like to dance? heck yes!
20. George Bush: is an unintelligent gnome who maliciouly promotes political corruption
21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her? Jordan
22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him? Shanti (shawn-tee)
23. Would you ever consider living abroad? YES
24. What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates? I WANT Him to say I succeeded and He is proud....but havent quite gotten there yet


Well that was pointless, besides the last question, but, one thing that's new is I'm getting really sick of spending 12 hours at school on Tuesdays and Thursdays because of play practice and dance, and sick of play practice and dance in general - BUT when you make commitments, you make commitments....and I have the problem of making too many of them (dance team, play, mr.CV, dance team choreography, etc....)

ShAkE!

at least it makes me floetic..


when you think about it,
we're mighty corrupt all of us...
we're mighty corrupt.
long after Denver devoid of ecstasy
we carry on shamefully
long after Gatsby.
funny the flavor beneath the surface
of those whom you favor
you'll be pained to taste what they hide,
pained to find
that they're complete strangers
take a look, and one shall suffice,
at those you banned
we’re mighty corrupt and
our ears cannot stand the truth
they apologize, but cannot forgive you
for never staring long enough.
feel loneliness, feel the shadows of what Sethe knew you could not,
of those whom death wrings the mind with thought.
funny what we do to those we’re meant to keep up
and what we don’t to those we could’ve…
when you think about it, we're mighty corrupt



YUP!
hopefully bed time

It's winter break!!! I've yet to hang out with friends. I've yet to finish any of my college essays. I have yet to do my homework. I dont know what i've been doing...spending time with family - that's what the Holidays are for right? Oh and sleeping a shitload, considering I have no chance to shut my eyes when school is in session. I've yet to engage in a workout session, but I have a feeling next week I'll crack down - I do when I really feel I need to. Yup, life is alright. Though stress will flutter back in a hearbeat as soon as I crack down....tomorrow, it's all good.

I've yet to engage in any adventurous venture haha
I lost life for a while here, I forgot what I'm suppose to be doing.

Tonight we have been celebrating madre's birthday. My sister cooked dinner (which I was suppose to assist in) but I was visiting with one of my best friends from my younger years - her and her mom stopped by, I was running to COldStone to get a birthday cake, andddd getting movies...and last night (approx 4 hours) was spent donwloading songs to make my mother's Moulin Rouge soundtrack...
Woo! Time to go watch movies with the fam then head back to the sister's.
Tomorrow = MASSIVE ESSAY WRITING!!!